You're like a ghost

Just because I am young does not mean I'm ignorant

My eyes have seen more than I ever wanted to believe

But I can't forget this, my conscious wont allow it

 

I let it come

 

There is something that washes over me

It is like rain, a flood in my soul

And it whispers to me, of what I should be

 

Is this love

 

It isn't love, what everyone perceives, what they see

It is just the closest you can get without giving everything

But perfect love was bought with perfect blood

 

I let it flow

 

Cause love is judged by how much you're willing to give, I'll give it all

I'll keep my hands at my sides and my tongue behind my teeth

Cause I know you don't want a thing from me

And it kills me so, I can see you, your lost at sea

But I'll play it cool

Cause everyone their so cool

Where should I go? I don't want you to be alone

And it kills me so!

But I can only watch you drift away with pain in my gaze

Cause you wont admit to this simple truth, like so many else

We try to act so strong

But everyone is weak within

 

And all you need

Is to

Pour out your insides!

Pour out your insides!

Pour out your insides!

 

I wont forget you but soon you wont remember my name

And I might not be the prettiest face

And I might not have the smoothest words

And I might not be the heart of the social scene

But when did all that crap ever truly matter?

 

One day we will all remember what we forgot when we were born, one day we will all know what I have been trying to show.

 

I'm pouring out my insides

The ever changing seasons of the heart

In macabre detail, the lovers poison

Setting in, what a beautiful art

Now I sit and stare, bleached by Son

 

Take my hand, I feel I lost you

Come back to my side

I will make your heart brand new

I'm alone watching the world die

 

You know why, people have to try

Even when days don't seem so bright

I put my faith in you, but you always lie

Death is a welcomed cold, the absence of light

 

I try, but the end is always the same

Sunburn and hypothermia inside

Nothing seems right, am I to blame

For having a heart with nothing to hide

 

For having a crazy dream, that someone would want purity

Lust for love over that of touch, am I hopeless in this lost generation?

I'm not afraid to die alone, just so sad to see everyone else go

 

You ask me why, why I can't give in for just one night

To go out with you, dancing, drinking, till we can't remember why

 

You know why

 

I still believe in something… it beats inside

I barely know you

But that doesn't seem to matter

You play over and over

In my head, I can't help

 

It is so much more than love

And why am I this way?

Why can't I just

Forget your pretty face

 

I know you are trying to forget mine

You are just getting on with life

I can't

I still want you

 

Maybe I am still just a little to

Old-fashioned for this new world

Or maybe it is the lack of my six pack

You were always just a dream

 

I hate dreams, I hate closing my eyes, I hate sleep

 

I hate this heart that beats inside of me, sometimes I wish I was as shallow as everyone else. Sometimes I wish I was as blind as everyone else. Why does it have to be me? Who knows the truth, but can't put it to good use. You have to understand, this isn't the way I want to be, I don't want to love you but my heart is just too big for me to handle now. I may leave your head, but you will stay in my dreams…

 

I hate dreams, I hate closing my eyes, I hate sleep

 

I am the perfect tortured soul, hiding behind the perfect mask.

This is getting worse, it is like a disease in my head.

This will be the death of me, sometimes I wish for apathy.

I try…

I try…

But I must die

I can never

Survive

I always die

I can never

Can you hear me

My heart is screaming

Drowning in blood

I cannot find a way

Out of all the sin around me

Maybe it is me

Maybe it is me

I just want purity

But no one seems

To see what I see

Break me!

Drown me!

Kill me!

Please!

 

I can't live this way

So hopeless

I love in vain

No one sees what I see

No one feels what I feel

Kill me

 

I wish I would die

So I could escape all your lies

They wrap around me like chains

And I can't find my way

 

I believed every word you said

I was a fool to think you were like me

And even though I saw your faults I didn't go

But as soon as I told you no you ran away

To get drunk and say "screw that boy,

I can do what I want when I want who I want"

 

Kill me

I am a knight

In a world of thieves

A lover in a world of lust

And I can't live like this

 

Knowing there is no one else

 

I CANT go ON I need to know

Am I truly alone

I can't be alone

If I am then kill me

 

I can't go on

Loving when no one else does

Caring when no one else does

Seeing when no one else does

Believing when no one else does

Burning when no one else does

 

Why was I given this heart?

All it brings me is broken tragedy

 

You know why

 

Kill me.

I have been away for so long

I've forgotten the song you taught me

 

I have been gone for so long

I've forgotten the touch of your hand

 

I'm coming home

You don't need to worry anymore

I'm coming home

 

I don't even remember why I left

I am the prodigal son at his best

And I'll return with my head so low

I am so ashamed of my past, where I've been

And you'll welcome me in full embrace with a smile on your face

And tears glittering in your eyes, I've got a long way ahead of me, but

 

I'm coming home

You don't need to worry anymore

I'm coming home

 

And you were always so good to me

You kept me safe behind walls of iron

And when I left I was instantly broken!

Struck by the absolute absence of love

 outside of you, I am crawling back to you

 

I'm coming home

I'm coming home

I'm coming home

I'm like an anchor stuck
So twisted up
at the bottom of the sea
you wrapped around me

my boat is a victim to the wave
your blood is what I crave
I'll drown in maelstrom
so let it come

the sky sends it's light into the sea
the water raises its fists against me
pounding into the side of my brain
I can feel you jerking on my chain

anchor, anchor, come up from the deep
anchor, anchor, before we are lost to the sea

I'm like an anchor stuck
so twisted up in you

windmills go round and round and round
I don't know why they never give up
and I love a girl but I don't act like it and I never will say it
cause the others weren't very appreciative
she looks so pretty with her hair down
and it pulls me straight to the ground
and her smile puts a lump in the back of my throat
I would tell her but I'm so afraid of the answer she'd create
just to get rid of me and I can believe that maybe

windmills go round and round and round
I wish they'd tell me just how
and I love a girl but I'm thinking she doesn't exactly think the same thing
doesn't it hurt when they just don't agree? but maybe
the more I know the more she's my woe
I try to come up with every logical reason why thinking love was a treason
but love goes beyond seasons
maybe I should let her go (forget about it) if it wouldn't kill me
maybe one day I will gather the courage to say, or watch her walk away

windmills go round and round and round
why can't I?

I hold my heart out in front of me
No one wants it…
I see everyone with their perfect plastic ones
Instead of flesh…

Under these bones I ache
Under these bones I am restless for a new life

To live somewhere where people don't hide, where they are as real as the dirt they walk on
I am sick and tired of silicon skin and glassed eyes, they are only plastic thin disguise

Why is everyone so scared to say how they feel, why does everyone have to act so brave. Is it so bad to need someone?

I'll admit it
I'm weak, I'm alone, I'm scared, and I'm far, far from perfect
But I'll love you more than anyone on this third closest to the sun

This isn't the end
And I wish it was

I'm starting to feel like it was I
Who drew the short straw
Like it is me
Who died

I've been in circles since 05
And I can't keep this up
Love was lost
Long before I was

And I don't blame them
Cause it was me
Who had high expectations
In a world that is low

And I'll change whats wrong with me
I'll change my spots to stripes
cause I'm sick of my skin
can I be healed?

everyone says "the truth is what you make it"
but the truth isn't in the viewpoint
so sorry to break this to you
the truth is, whether or not you like it

if I die tonight, I will be alright
I'm on the bottom of the pole
and it's where I want to be
I am awake for the first time

This isn't the beginning
And I wish it was

"There is a love that is louder than this noise."

I love the little seeds, they grow into big trees.

If I like to always say I love you
does it make me any less of a man?
if I open my arms instead of clenchin' my fists
does it make me any less to you?

I'd rather say excuse me than pick me teeth
does it make me any less of a man?
I'd rather hold the door open for you
does it make me any less to you?

I don't curse and I never will
does it make me any less of a man?
I don't watch sports or talk cars
does it make me any less to you?

I'm not very macho or strong
does it make me any less of a man?
I'm not feelingless or thoughtless
does it make me any less to you?

I swear that I am the manliest man around
even if I don't do all the things you've come to characterize as a man's life
I swear that I am the manliest man around
cause it takes a real man to love the way the good Lord intended
and to forgive and forget, to move on and be a gentleman
and if you truly know me then you truly know that I am

It doesn't make me any less

cause I love like a never ending cascade of water flowing down a mountain side
and I sing like a duet of pretty birds perched on a wire above my head
I lay awake every night and think of how I can improve, of how I can love You
and I train myself everyday to wear a smile on my face and pray before the Lord
I sink my pride and hold my head up high, I breathe the country air and lose my self righteous eyes
and I'm no black hearted fool, I've never seen a face I didn't care for, a frown I didn't want to turn around

cause it is easier
not to care
not to feel or love
not to ache or pain when you can't fix their day
not to bother
not to be a helping hand
not to try

and if you truly know me then you truly know that I am the manliest man around.

I am just a ticking bomb waiting for my time to explode. I am just a disaster, just a burden on this place. No one likes to hear the words I have to say. All I am is just a dreamer, wishing things could be so different, people could be so different.

I feel like I am slipping away from my faith, I dunno why I still hold my beliefs, this is a dangerous place to be. I walk like I don't know where I am, truth be told I don't. Shadows remind me of you cause lately you've been quite the ghost. Love has only ever left me bitter and cracked but I haven't given up yet. And all my dreams are just out of reach, I don't know what to do here. I am at a loss for you. I see everything so different, from the smallest blade of grass to the tallest building they are all a wonder to me, just like her face. As time goes I feel myself slipping away! becoming just another drone, buying everything you have to sell me. It has been so long since I spread my wings I doubt if I can still fly. I'm sorry if I don't look the way you want, sorry if you don't believe me when I say love, that word has been abused far too much. I will try my best to shine bright, but Lord it's so hard when You aren't here.

Even if everyone turns their back on me, spits on me, I will never give up. Standing on the edge, but I won't jump. I've gotten used to being alone so it won't hurt as much if you decide to walk away, they all decided to walk away.

Some days I love to be alone and some days it's the worst fate. I try my best, but honey I am just a man, I fall and fail sometimes. Maybe it would help to know just what I mean when I say. I love you like the Son who gave everything for us even when we still hated Him, I love you like the sea loves all the creatures beneath, I love you like the gravity that keeps my feet on the ground, I love you like the lion who laid with the lamb.

I love you, and I will always carry on.

~Josh

Moon beams reflect the darker neglect of life left and the loss of interest.

Through minds run the never-ending diversions of day,

Memories of yesteryear and the envisionment of tomorrow.

Tides of the brain in constant imaginings,

While shifting from this to that like the clicking of a channel.

The gray matter turns and the electrolytes spark, a new thought is born.

Like a babe it is nurtured and grows till it becomes an idea.

Thousands come and thousands go in the cycling of the sun.

Some stay and become hopes, dreams, and ambitions for the future,

While others grow old and get thrown into the sand.

A never ending stream pass through like traffic a bridge

Causing minds to stray from this car to that.

I don't think I will ever understand you / you scream love (we should all love) / but you never do / maybe one day you will grow to see words don't mean a thing / action is all that matters / from the outside it seems like your all about love, but I know it is only lust for touch / this has got to end this isn't love / it's a mockery of God / buuuuuuuuuuuurn down your defenses / you're just a scared little girl / wanting something you will never give / buuuuuuuuuurn down your defenses / you're just a feeling junkie /

 

I don't think I will ever understand you / and don't think I will ever come to hold you / cause I know that's all you'd want from me / but I am so much more than your pills / I will never be your quick fix to a problem that can't be solved by flesh and bone . NO!

 

You scream love

We should all love

But you never do

Cause love for you is a boy in your bed

That isn't the way to fill the hole in your chest

hello lj :)

my name is Josh